I could have mohawked her pubes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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