Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
smell my finger.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
