In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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