I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
