There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
