Yo dont text me then not text me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
