Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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