.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
