I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
