ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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