how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
