he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Operation Purity has been aborted
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
