Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
