After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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