Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
