Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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