Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
