He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
