people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize