Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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