Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
