Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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