i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
