the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
