I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They took my balls.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
