3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize