drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
