yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
