My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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