Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
