We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
