pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Barsexuality is the new black.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
