but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
