Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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