You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
