dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
