we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
