We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
