I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
