I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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