I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
