Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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