i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
