Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
