hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
