I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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