the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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