New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize