you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize