hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm like, not good at living.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
