As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
