I'm jealous of your bromance
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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