after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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