Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize