A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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