everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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