I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize