I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Text me some of your sweat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
